Local campaign successfully raises funds to demolish Greggs’ and replace it with Gail’s as part of new gentrification drive
Campaigners for the ‘Gentrification, Regeneration, and Enterprise Group’ have stated that Greggs, while a fantastic community asset with affordable prices and quality food, nonetheless brings down the area, by being not only “too northern (and therefore terribly working class)” but also “not a Gail’s”. A situation which was only made worse after new northern Prime…
The Green King: New Wetherspoons to open near to The Tythings building
What is the essence of this town? If squeezed into a punch, what would it contain? Many locals argue our eclectic range of pubs is what elevates us as a community. However, for Yateley Westside residents, it’s a different story. Existing in what experts have called a ‘social chasm’, West Yatelerians must resort to a…
Sheer number of roadworks sees Council decide “sod it, let’s just pedestrianise all of Yateley”
With over 90% of Yateley’s roads now under some form of closure due to roadworks, Yateley Town Council has decided to officially confirm a situation that has already been in place, at least unofficially, for some years now, declaring all of Yateley’s roads for the pedestrian. While this is sure to have a negative impact…
Yateley Lion’s start new big cat sanctuary to avoid false advertising lawsuit
After years of significant legal pressure and multiple false advertising lawsuits the Yateley Lions have recently found a clever loophole in the law that will help the group avoid any further multi-million pound out-of-court settlements. The new 12-acre specialist big cat sanctuary, set to be established behind The Cricketers, plans not only to protect endangered…
‘Busmania’ as passengers go feral after Number 3 stalls near Blackwater Lidl for 48 hours
What began as a routine delay for local passengers aboard Stagecoach’s Number 3 service from Yateley to Aldershot, after a low-flying pigeon became trapped in the vehicle’s front-left wheel arch, quickly turned violent. After Lidl worker Jack Stamis approached the bus to bring them a box of chocolate eclairs, the situation dramatically deteriorated. He was…
Your money for your pint! The Highwayman pub stampedes back into Yateley, following local crowdfunding efforts
After 10 years of local fundraising efforts, the historic Highwayman pub will make its triumphant return this November. The Yateley institution closed in 2015 supposedly due to noise complaints, although frequent robbery by masked youths in purely aesthetic tricorn hats and rumours that staff were not allowed to sit down as part of their ‘Stand…
Major Blackbushe runway expansion set to increase air traffic by 1,150%
Formerly a crucial military airbase during the Second World War and once the second largest airport in the country, Blackbushe is soon to be restored to its former glory with a series of new runway expansions set to overrun the Common. Before long, our local airport will be hosting airlines from Pan Am to Ryan…
Experts say ‘The Green’ should be permanently renamed ‘The Yellow’ due to “increasingly warmer globe”
Pointing to The Green’s yellow colour and ongoing global warming trends, experts in everything from grass to lawns have coordinated a new 1-page report suggesting the patch be renamed, so as to more accurately match its colour across the majority of the year. Organisers of ‘Gig on the Green’ have already railed against the plan,…
New ‘Acorns’ part of daring plan to bring every man, woman, and child in Yateley into the scouting network
The Yateley Scouts have announced plans for a new troop, adding to the growing list of Explorers, Scouts, Cubs, Beavers, and, most recently, Squirrels. This new group would be named the Acorns, for 0-3 year olds of mixed gender. This comes as part of a new “desperate drive” for scout leaders across the world, with…
Daylight robbery increased by 400% during recent eclipse, new data reveals
New crime statistics released by the Yateley Metropolitan Crime Association reveal that incidents of daylight burglary, home invasion, and breaking and entering all increased by around four times during last Wednesday’s eclipse. As of this morning, local police have only apprehended one of these thieves, who spoke candidly to The Yarbler this morning about his…
Skate ramp on Green spotted being used as a skate ramp
Last week, a Yarbler on the ground caught a special, ephemeral moment on camera at the Yateley Green, where momentarily the skate ramp was used as a skate ramp by a local, mystery boarder. The skater achieved four short ups-and-downs before being shooed off by some teens, who wanted to run up and down it…
Yateley joins the club: Old Co-Op building to be transformed into new “Drum and Bass” nightclub, following planning permission success
After a successful planning application, German nightclub company, Klubhaus, has been granted exclusive permission to transform the old Co-Op building off Reading Road into a trendy and exciting new nightclub. According to the plans, the club will cover the building’s multiple floors, with each having a distinct musical theme. “Hard industrial techno” will ring out…
