Formerly a crucial military airbase during the Second World War and once the second largest airport in the country, Blackbushe is soon to be restored to its former glory with a series of new runway expansions set to overrun the Common. Before long, our local airport will be hosting airlines from Pan Am to Ryan and passengers with destinations German, Tahitian, and everything in between.
The new runway would reclaim much of the previously abandoned airfield, all while flattening most of the western Common into tarmac. Plans include “filling in Castle Bottom” to allow space for a “whole Concorde” borrowed from a display at Manchester Airport, presumably as a subtle thwarting of Andy Burnham. In what we’re sure will prove an exciting status-quo breaker, the plans include regular intermittent road closures of the A30 during landings every 45 minutes, with an accompanying level crossing to curb safety concerns.
Even more excitingly, we at The Yarbler have a real scoop. A team of our top investigative Yarblers got their hands on the Blackbushe plans, securing them safely in an R2 droid, which was jettisoned from a plane before Blackbushe employees managed to reach them.
After passing through the hands of a farmboy, a hermit, and a local smuggler, it eventually reached our HQ on Yavin 4. Our efforts did not go to waste, as encoded messages from US government officials revealed plans for Blackbushe Airport’s use militarily in Iran, which would increase air traffic and noise pollution by a further 5%.
We interviewed a few local residents to get their thoughts. A local, anonymous farmer told The Yarbler, “I’m worried this many planes would block out the sun! Crikey!”, while his stablehand added, “Wait, if we stole the plans and they control space, does that make us Alderaan? Are we gonna be blown up?” One Cranford school teacher commented: “With the probability of a major international incident in Yateley now dramatically higher, would this increase the chance of Yateley Manor’s destruction, or is their airspace private too?”
Currently, a rag-tag band of Yateley residents are rallying together, with ambitions to exploit the new runway’s one major weakness, revealed in the stolen plans. Chiefly, a two-metre thermal exhaust port on its surface that leads directly to the main reactor core, which, when hit directly with a proton torpedo, causes a chain reaction that makes the whole airport fall over and explode.
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