What began as a routine delay for local passengers aboard Stagecoach’s Number 3 service from Yateley to Aldershot, after a low-flying pigeon became trapped in the vehicle’s front-left wheel arch, quickly turned violent.
After Lidl worker Jack Stamis approached the bus to bring them a box of chocolate eclairs, the situation dramatically deteriorated. He was quickly mobbed by the passengers, beaten to a pulp, and dragged aboard. Many of those aboard were dressed in simple rags with elaborate headdresses, and fears are currently spiralling over the mental and physical well-being of those trapped on the bus.
A naked Mr Stamis was briefly spotted 2 hours later, trying to crawl out of a window, before being clubbed from behind with a pair of noise-cancelling headphones and carried away.
Most concerningly, this morning, passengers were spotted aboard the middle of the bus dancing around a fire, before throwing a Mr Stamis-shaped mass onto the flames, while chanting something about the rain.
Many in Central Blackwater are beginning to fear the worst, that Mr Stamis has been killed by a group of ordinary Yateley and Blackwater residents, who just two days earlier were content to sit across from each other in a bus in deathly silence. A perimeter was formed the previous day, though the events of today saw it brought back as far as Aldi.
At noon, The Yarbler and The Times intercepted a radio call for help from a local Blackwater passenger, whose loved ones say had simply sought to avoid the walk from suburban Blackwater to its train station. Unfortunately, however, his radio message could not be made out over the incomprehensible screaming that disrupted the line.
This afternoon, continued guerrilla attacks from residents aboard hampered attempts to get the bus moving again. The driver, barricaded in his cabin, was forced to defend himself with makeshift tools.
Early this evening, during a rare lull period, one passenger broke free of the bus, scrambling all the way to the perimeter. And though he was in no condition for an interview, speaking in entirely unprecedented syllable combinations,
Yarbler analysts were able to extract the following.
It seems the bus had divided into two rival groups. The larger of the two defended the back of the bus, wore only red, and was led by a woman, believed to be a committee member at the Yateley Lions. The other, smaller group, worshipped the rain and followed one of the Gig on the Green organisers.
By 18:00, with the dead pigeon still stuck in the bus’s wheel arch, there was only one hope left: a police marksman positioned 100ft away at the perimeter, right by the train station, could shoot the bird out, giving the bus driver a slim chance of getting to Aldershot before he was sacrificed for the rain.
Thankfully, at 19:17 this evening, a marksman successfully shot the bird out, and the bus was able to complete its journey to Aldershot. Having overcome a total of 48 hours spent stuck near the Blackwater Lidl, passengers put their clothes back on, cleaned off the blood, and retook their seats. After being temporarily rerouted through Sandhurst due to roadworks, they soon arrived at their destination, where passengers quietly thanked the driver before dispersing across Aldershot.
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