New ‘Acorns’ part of daring plan to bring every man, woman, and child in Yateley into the scouting network

The Yateley Scouts have announced plans for a new troop, adding to the growing list of Explorers, Scouts, Cubs, Beavers, and, most recently, Squirrels. This new group would be named the Acorns, for 0-3 year olds of mixed gender. This comes as part of a new “desperate drive” for scout leaders across the world, with the hope that if they begin young, they’ll never want to leave.

Rumours are circulating that work on a lab for synthesising scouts- preliminarily called The Seeds – has begun. Experts believe this may have been the breaking point for Bear Grylls, instigating his protest resignation as Chief Scout, itself a deeply controversial move, with unspoken scout culture generally demanding leaders die in office. Critics of the Scouts worry their teachings may be a dangerous influence on youths, where ritualistic ‘Laws’ and ‘Promises’ are uttered on initiation and alternative outdoor lifestyles are repeatedly encouraged.