Experts say ‘The Green’ should be permanently renamed ‘The Yellow’ due to “increasingly warmer globe”

Pointing to The Green’s yellow colour and ongoing global warming trends, experts in everything from grass to lawns have coordinated a new 1-page report suggesting the patch be renamed, so as to more accurately match its colour across the majority of the year.

Organisers of ‘Gig on the Green’ have already railed against the plan, arguing that ‘Gig on the Yellow’ just doesn’t have the same ring to it. Alternative names have been suggested in the past, but rejected by the Yateley Town Council of Naming Things. Examples include ‘The Blue’ during icy periods, which was rejected for sounding “too sad” and ‘The Red’ during autumn when orange leaves cover it, which was turned down because it didn’t really make any sense.

Many climate activists have suggested that the name change is likely unnecessary since global warming will likely work itself out, as things are prone to do.