Rival Yateley Church announces daring plan to build a “Café 47”

Attempting to compete with St Peter’s booming coffee and community institution, Café 46, planners have pledged to build a new café that’s not only bigger and better, but that also features an even more convoluted ordering system than ever before.

“Building upon our 46 predecessors, we’ve created a bulletproof system where eating and drinking will remain on the ground floor, while drinking or eating will be contained to upstairs. Customers will order at the ground floor (Station 1) unless eating and drinking in our outdoor space. Our garden, not to be confused with our outdoor space, is for paying customers only, or those just drinking. Those ordering for the terrace, (the garden and outdoor space’s collective name) order online via the QR code,” explained a spokesperson for the café.

Sincerely flummoxed, our reporter questioned what drove their ambition. Asking, “What separates you from Cafe 46’s approach to coffee and community building?”. Catherine Licchurch, Café 47’s incoming manager, who asked to be kept anonymous replied, “From the start of this process we knew we had to stay true to our orthodoxy. Not only will an extra shot of coffee be added to every drink, but water may be served on request as wine and every order comes with a free confession, with our 5 year plan projecting every staff member be a registered priest, by 2036, allowing on the spot forgiveness at the table.”

We at The Yarbler are sure, and history proves, that the good people at Cafe 46 and 47 will strive for a special relationship unlike any other, bringing Yateley together in new and exciting ways.

In the mean time, reports are already flooding in that Yateley’s Mormon community are eagerly rallying to raise funds for their own new café space, provisionally titled “Café 48”.